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My Greatest Love Story

Facebook recently reminded me that the author of this blog and I have been friends for 7 years.  Without the automated reminder, I’d have certainly remembered anyway.  A feisty friend, mother, daughter, coworker, boss, and wife.  She’s the best of the best, and is definitely not paying me to say this.  Several times in my life, I have experienced an overwhelming feeling that I am exactly where I’m supposed to be, and our flight to Kenya together over 7 years ago was one.  For some context, another one was last week when a work meeting finished at 6pm half a block away from Burrito Boyz.  Sometimes things just happen for a reason.  But she is special.

We began our friendship at a more similar stage of our lives- one that involved: a brand new job, copious amounts of vodka Redbulls, the desire to fall in love with a Vampire, and, overall the youthful freedom to dream big and experience all the world has to offer.  Since then, she has (re)found her life partner, got married, and has two amazing babes who I love more than I could have imagined.  Through the years, diverging milestones, and across many miles, she is an amazing, and constant friend.

My life, spoiler alert, still unequivocally involves lame first dates, more alcohol than I should admit to my doctor, nonsenses such as Tinder, and occasional walks of shame.  You could say “I’m dating”- I.E. my relationships typically don’t last longer than a box of condoms.  In the last 3 years of single-hood, I have not found myself in male’s bed that had more than one pillow and/or involved matching bedding and/or had pillowcases.  I assure you these are statistically significant results. At this point, I’d give a standing ovation to a futon that actually had sheets on it.  While it’s been a ton of fun, I’ve learned a lot and there is nothing I would change, (and all that crap you’re supposed to say), these guys have shown an equally mature commitment to being reliable human beings as they have to the sanctuary where they spend nearly a third of their lives. It is stereotypical to say it’s tough out there, but I’m going to need to reinforce this notion.

futon

While I am a single, near 30-year-old who, deep down, does wish that the above was exaggerated, my life most importantly involves amazing friends.  I spend as much time and energy as possible with incredible women who bring meaning to my life.  If, in addition to that, I have time to go on a date, I certainly will.  After all, there is only so much sex you can have with yourself.  But I don’t believe that “finding love” as a focus of my day-to-day time and energy will serve me.  After all, I think I’ve already found it.  At this point in my life- where some people would say I’m running out of time- there is too much good, fun and love to be had elsewhere.

My social media feeds seem to disagree.  It becomes more and more filled with marriages, babies, and growing families by the day.  And I love it.  While I’m not comparing my level of happiness with others, I do feel that the world sometimes is.  I don’t have a man, ring, or kid, to show the world.  Maybe, my happiness and accomplishments are harder to show the world through these mediums.  Instead, I will show it to my amazing friends and family through my time, actions and love.

The author of this blog sent me a quote on Instagram the other day, which was what I already had on my mind to write about for this post:

“The bond between a girl and her friends is a powerful thing.  With all the emphasis we place on finding the man of our dreams, I think far too many of us lose sight of one of the greatest love stories we’ll experience in life: the one with our friends”. 

Maybe this will be my greatest love story, and if so, it will be more than enough.

Written by the first feisty anonymous guest blogger, who, coincidentally, would like to remain anonymous.  

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Love in the time of Tinder

 

I do a lot of things really well- but among the top ranks is something I never had to work for- it just came naturally to me – worrying.  

I am an expert worrier. I know it comes from growing up with my parents ridiculous hypothetical stresses and although I am not quite there yet… I am aware of what the future holds, no matter how hard I fight it. I worry about everything.  

Lately I am worried about my single girlfriends. I have a number of them- and they are awesome. Each one feisty, smart, unique, hot, and incredible in their own way. I am not worried because I feel as though the only way to find happiness is through finding the perfect partner- but many of them are working at doing that- or at least find some people to have the occasional dinner and a romp with.

One tool that almost all of them have used at one time or another is tinder. (I am not going to lie, taking over someone’s tinder and spending 15 minutes swiping right and left is pretty entertaining for a married woman with two kids. It’s fun, it’s quick, it’s like angry birds with human heads.)  It worries me.

It worries me because when I think of some of my most quality single friends who would be amazing partners- their tinder profile likely wouldn’t be one to swipe in the favourable direction. Haven’t you ever met someone who didn’t initially turn your crank only to find them attractive and cute after getting to know them a bit? That’s the best, no? 
It worries me because it is so easy. In the span of 15 minutes someone is able to make multiple connections and be chatting to a handful of potential suitors… Who don’t have to do ANYTHING!! They likely have their one or two go to chat lines to hook you, and then you’re off to the races. No real effort, no actual chemistry- just random ad-hoc get togethers.  Real relationships are hard!! I fear that the ease of this app is setting people up for unrealistic ideas of a relationship.
It worries me because it creates a feeling of “there’s always something better”… Like if you settle for one person, and you don’t keep looking you are missing out. Instead of living life, doing the things you love and then running into someone you feel connected with and giving it a go- thousands (millions maybe?) are sitting at home swiping and judging high volumes of people by their profile pictures. 
I worry because with the volume of people meeting up, chatting, hooking up, whatever… After each one that doesn’t turn into “the one” that my girlfriends seem more and more defeated. They feel more and more lonely, and then turn back to the quick companionship of the swiping and chatting.  
I am happy I am no longer on the dating scene, and that the only swiping I know is on Dora the explorer- but I worry about my incredible single friends. I know technology is here to stay but I also wish that there was some way to filter through the duds, or those just looking for hookups. If hookups are what you want- by all means, swipe away- but for those looking for more… I just worry. 

An ode to an incredibly FEISTY woman

An incredibly fun, kind, caring, smart, bold and amazingly feisty woman passed away a couple of days ago.  As a second blog post, the topic of death and grieving wasn’t initially what I had set out to do- but the reality is, its all I can think about, and its important.

As a kid all the way through to the end of my twenties, I went to camp.  Anyone who has gone to camp for this long understands the kinds of relationships that happen there, for those that haven’t been to camp- its hard to describe the pace at which unbreakable friendships form under the circumstances there.  Camp is where I met Yarrow.

This article can explain this better than I ever can…

http://elitedaily.com/women/camp-friends-best-friends-literally-life/638925/

She played college basketball, just like me, and we had initially decided we would train together during the summer to come back better and stronger to our respective teams.  She was a small forward, and me a true big woman- but we were instant friends.  She was funny, cute, kind, and provided me with motivation through a lot of workouts- but also through a lot of challenges that summer.

As we continued our time together- I learned a lot about her (as you do sharing such close quarters, and doing everything together) including her multitude of athletic abilities.  She was a runner, a biker, a swimmer, a canoer (those really skinny canoes that you have to be super tough and careful to paddle in), a basketball player, and a triathlete.  She was always focused on her goals, revisiting them frequently and making sure everyone around held her accountable.  She was the first person I had met with such drive, and ambition, and it was infectious.  She made us all better, she made us all want to work harder, and she made everyone smile.

As the summer started, we realized she was also gifted with kids- her cabins and kids from sport sessions loved her, laughed their way through the weeks, and became better people from being around her, and cried when it was time to go home.  She changed so many lives.

For 3 years I was blessed by Yarrows presence at camp.  During the year we would all go back to our home and school lives, and be in touch from time to time (there was no facebook then… and we didn’t have cell phones… but I think ICQ was just making its break)… but when camp started up again, it was like nothing had changed- except we were a year older, maybe a little bit wiser- but just as excited to see one another.

Since then, we had both moved on, I became a teacher and then moved to Kenya, met a man, had a baby.  She did her degree in nursing, continued her many activities, met a man, had twins… and since facebook had come on the scene, we had stayed in touch from time to time, mostly to reminisce about the “good old days”- but also share the great things that had happened in our lives.

She was always the picture of health, activity, positivity, and life to me.  This is why 9 months ago I was really thrown by the news that she had been diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer.  I remember thinking WHAT?!? HOW!?! It couldn’t be Yarrow- she had never done anything in her life to put her at risk.  She was put on an aggressive treatment plan, and headed into it as she did everything else- with an extremely positive attitude, and a feisty-ness that we all thought would be enough.

I should also say that I followed most of her journey through facebook, because I am far away- living in Kenya, but also because at this point we weren’t “active friends”… if that makes sense, like I didn’t go to her house on weekends, or we didn’t call each other on our birthdays even… but those 3 years at camp can’t be erased, and have left her as someone who I hold really nearly and dearly to my heart.

As we watched her journey- sending occasional notes of encouragement and support- I had always thought that if ANYONE could beat this- even if it was against the odds, it would be Yarr.  I have never been religious, but when my toddler recently started asking to pray at night, we would, and as she would list her family and friends I would think of Yarrow.

Monday morning when I woke up, my news feed was full of messages of condolences to her partner and sons, and personal messages on her facebook wall of familiar friends expressing the impact she had had on them.  I was overwhelmed with sadness and disappointment that this 33 year old powerhouse had been taken in such a cruel way.

The days since then, her facebook wall continues to get messages, which in the past I used to think was strange- but now it seems appropriate, and it brings me comfort to read them, and share in their messages.  I hope that her partner is looking to see the community of support, and using her wall to fill up on inspiration and stories to share with their young boys as they grow and have questions about their mom.   I know it will never be easy- but hopefully having this collage of impact will make some days a bit better.

As our long ago camp community reaches out to one another to make sense and figure out how to best honor Yarrow and her contributions and impact on each of us, I will keep reading her wall, and figuring out how to best let her know, and understand what her friendship meant to me.

In her 11th round of treatment- Yarrow posted a photo of herself holding a sign that read, “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass- its about learning to dance in the rain”.  She couldn’t have been a more accurate representation of that to all of us.  Love you Yarr.

Xoxo

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Feisty Firsts

I bought a nightgown.  Not a sexy, good looking one.  A nightgown that’s just a long baggy t-shirt with some sassy screen on the front.  Mine says, “LOVE SLEEP” and is seafoam green.  Not hot, but only $11 at Walmart when we were last back in Canada trying to find cheap deodorant at midnight.

I don’t regret buying it, its quite comfortable.  For some reason it made me start thinking about writing a blog.  This was a couple of months ago, and since then I haven’t been able to get it out of my head, why this nightgown  made me think of how much I have grown, changed, and sparked a need to share.

SO here it is… I don’t fancy myself a writer, at all, but I would like to be a better story teller- hence a piece of self-improvement.  I do fancy myself quite funny, and the things I face in my day to day life are pretty hilarious.

I am a mom, but I don’t want this to be a “mom-blog” .  Truly, no offense to those blogs… I read them all the time, I just don’t think I am good enough at any aspect of parenting to write about just that.  If I have a glimmer of something good- heck yes I might write about it… but for now, not so much.

I have a career- but I feel similarly about this point as the one before.  I have a husband, a dog, a cat, I live in Kenya (but am Canadian), I have grown siblings (the youngest of 5), and have a variety of hobbies that some may think are dorky.  I used to be a pretty good athlete, and I dabble in yoga and scrabble.

As you can see, I am a bit all over the map, which is why none of these niche blogs is for me.

This is not to be construed as being without passion, or focus- because I think I have a lot of both of these.  I work in youth empowerment- believe whole heartedly in the rights of kids, no matter where they are from, and work every day in hopes to inspire them to take action and move towards solutions for a better world.  Particularly girls and women.

I don’t fit into a lot of categories- and I am getting to a point when I am ok with this.  I am my own person, and I think a lot of the current “ideals” are laughable.  I still have days when I talk badly to myself, or have thoughts that definitely aren’t going to help me be a better partner, mom, employee, leader, or person, but I am working on it- and know many other people working on this as well.

I will be trying to find interesting insights, articles and pieces to help me through this…  and share some funny bits along the way.

Much like an episode of Modern Family- I am aiming for funny, cheap and cheerful, but ending with a meaningful take away with nice music or something along those lines.

Thanks for reading… and becoming part of the feisty women anonymous following.